50

You.

Are not so far as we might have feared you would be -
You
and
I.

Far away you are,
but do you know that you are celebrated
remembered
lovingly
attentively
ever present
in so many
hearts and minds.

You come through in many ways.
Just the other night Lily said you helped her clean up her newly acquired
Rainbow Loom rubber bands,
carelessly strewn on the floor
bright and beautiful in their disarray
intentionally scattered,
reluctantly gathered.
But Daddy helped,
She said.

And Jake is practicing spitting sunflower seeds,
Just as his Uncle Alan would have shown him.
Honing his craft -
preparing for grimy dugout floors
on his way
to a
solid base hit.
We gave them to him - Lily ready to offer a demo -
Crack & Spit
(I taught her the night before).
We gave him a Mattingly figurine too...
Hope we did ok.

Just like her mama, she'll do anything for her boy.
She's even got a pink glove.
Tells me the teams we're allowed to like
as she dozes off to sleep.
(And don't roll your eyes about the pink.
It was a gift.
From Bill.)

See?
Everyone
Holds
You
Close.

Still.

So we gathered as we always do,
to celebrate knowing you.
Hope you saw our crowd?
Today I am ever-grateful
of all the people you draw
together,
despite the dose of a double day...

And no, I can't say Happy Fifty.
As it would be today
If
You
Were
Here.
You always aged so gracefully.
Salt & Pepper grey to match
your sweet and weathered heart.

But even with the ache,
of our Collective Void,
We are living fully,
And laughing, and loving.

Never thought I could fulfill that promise,
that wish you gently requested.
In fact, I lied, straight up…
Doubting what I would be able to do
as I whispered I will try in your ear.
But we are all
Living
In honor of
You.
Here in
so many ways,
In Spirit
as I like to say.

And though we miss you always,
We've got you Babe,
We've got you.