Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Thank You Patti. (And my everloving flower)

Our year was a good one.
Loaded, but hearty with happy firsts and challenging as the two of us guided one another - teaching ourselves what it is to be parent and child, mother and daughter, friends. I never guessed that a child less than three could be so powerful a force, so sharp yet naive - so energetic - so imaginative - so beautifully self-guided with her movements - and could nearly break me with exhaustion, bring me close to tears with despair and resurrect me with kisses on my brow.

Yes on my brow.

Perhaps she learned it from me.

I wonder often as I marvel at her evolution - which parts are Alan, which parts are Susan and which parts are pure Lily.
As one of my oldest friends reminded me on New Years Eve Day,

she is not a passive child.

And I was comforted by those words. What a gift those words were, Sensei Alexis, ever wise and wonderful friend. My tendency is to blame my skills at motherhood rather than acknowledge that I am growing a little being, and she is who she is. I will steer, but she - already - is making her own roads.

Her brain sparks differently - she said, and it is true.

Some don't get that, she said.
Fellow moms are the ultimate comfort ~ and the ones who are ahead of me, golden.

After our conversation I found myself gifted with an evening to myself. So I rolled off the bed, lethargic, feeling a bit broken but hungry for a lift, took a bath.
A bath.

And then I took myself to see Patti Smith.

A fine last move for 2011.

Her chords enveloped me, her words, her presence - nice to end the year with the encouragement of another strong, most remarkable woman.
She was uplifting.
Loud, soft, modest, endearing, funny, evocative, electric.
Expressive hands, graceful and masculine.

Another friend cheered me via text "BOLD!!".
So grateful for my friends.

I do have courage - though every now and then it idles.
But the choice to go was easy.
And then Patti was my beautiful reward.
Bold times two.
Bold for two.
And ready for our next chapter.
Excited for a new year.

Grateful to be alive.
And to feel that way as well.

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