Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sun. Day.

I know this light.
Today's high sun - strong and growing distant, washing out its
reminding us all that
is near.

Seasons get me.

To me.

I can see Alan in this day's overexposed glint.
He is looking at me from a lounge chair, shadowed underneath his new Borsalino, on a beach in Taormina
Hand resting softly on his chest.
Cigarillo perched dashingly on his lips, a "lets play another life" moment ~
Where there is no threat advancing precariously under his hand,
causing the growing pain,
the discomfort of ribs cracking, an unwanted new twist,
horrendous outsider staking its claim over this
Much Loved Man.
I smiled at him, reassuringly, hopeful yet knowing, this honeymoon and its beauty was faster than fleeting.
And in our exchanged glance was an understood conversation
I know Babe, we'll line up an appointment
for the day we return.
Yes, I know.
I know.

And that's how it is, it was.
Love at it's finest.
It was.

And today as I wake to quiet and sun,
I recognize its beauty, its job:
Show up, shine light, retreat.

So easy some things seem to be.
How I wish I didn't feel like everyday was
a marathon for

Never knew I'd be such an expert long distance runner but apparently I am.


It would be nice,
oh so nice,
For One Moment,
it felt full

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My Family.

Lily's been busy planning motherhood.
She tells me regularly about how she will be the mom,
Jake the dad (though he wants to be the mom - Isn't that weird mama? I guess I could also marry Tabitha.)
Stella, the big sister and Flower Girl.

How do babies get in the moms, Mama?

That's really something that's easier to explain when you're a bit older, Pumpkin.
Tell me now. She says from the back seat.
Well... You take something from the daddy and put it in the mommy and it's like planting a seed.
It grows and grows for a long time until it's a baby and then it comes out.
I neglected to elaborate on the process should she marry Tabitha.
Or should she decide to be a mom on her own.

I think I'll have two. She says, as though ordering cupcakes or fries.
That's great, Pumpkin.
I hope you do.

I have been quiet.

It was a busy, beautiful month.
My book finally arrived.
Hit the shelves.
And gradually it is seeping in, that this labor of love finally turned into something.
Written, in nights, while Lily as a new babe slept, it was the tiniest of dreams - a hope - a wish - a letter.
Meant to be something that she could read. Someday.
To which she might say,
He is here.
And there I am, on a shelf.
With other stories and books about families.
All sorts.
Some with dads, without dads, two moms, two dads, one mom, one dad. Adoptive moms and dads.
So many versions of family these days.

In California Lily savored her time with her "sisters" - two big girl goddess daughters who shower her with love, help her dig for potatoes, pick berries and beans, watch over her, as she swings, romps, demands
Watch this Keira!
Watch me Thea!
And she picnic'd on Mt. Tam with her buddy Madeleine, an almost twin, who likes dress up and crafts and the Camping Game too.
She did the Cup Song with her cousin, admired her other cousin's pool flips.
Flitted from her Jiji to her courtesy aunts and uncles...

Such a large family we have.

And then as the book takes flight on it's own I find we have more family.
A much loved cousin of Alan's and her military mom friends,
Eager to help.
Widowed moms I don't know, who offer to spread the word.
Old friends who offer to pass it on to others in hopes they can help.
Friends who have been planning its party since I shared it with them from a note-pad,

And I am reminded, again, that though we all collectively are missing loved ones, we are all
Indeed, (as Lily now likes to say)
A Family.
And it takes me back to a song sung at our wedding, six years ago next month - who's sentiment resonates even more powerfully...
If that's possible.
Means just as much to me today as it did,
Then. (Cue music ;)

Ah, song. So Right.