shadows big and small, all nipping at my feet,
tugging at my heart and sometimes hijacking joys that should be all mine.
But that's the brand of widow world,
not the image, just the scar
The color just never fully sets.
Like an unfinished project that will never be complete -
and this one's not due to any procrastination - it's just due to
twists and turns.
Unsolicited and solicited.
The good with the bad,
happiness with the sad,
because when you lose partner number one,
it takes its toll on round two.
So here I am,
on the threshold of a new chapter
embracing beautiful and Whole New Love
trying as best I can to be the step that his kids
can ... accept. And understand.
Trying to comfort my girl as she navigates and embraces all of her steps - but mourns
the loss of what she-and-I-were for the years before
And grappling with who I am as I link arms and hearts with another partner,
and understanding that as I move forward, my past, remains unchanged.
It is hard not ever being fully in control.
And here comes Father's Day.
A hurdle that never lowers in height.
is all about accepting what comes your way,
moving within, around, alongside and beyond ....
Lessons more easily taught to an Almost Second Grader.
Constant practice of what I preach.
Days ago I cried as I ordered morning coffee,
felt so teen in my middle aged body.
Had to excuse myself to the bakery bathroom
to get a grip
on all that's brought me to
(Surely Alan was cuing the violins,
And then I am alright again.
Like a reggae song with an easy groove,
and Adam always feels just right.
Grateful for a new man to be in love with and to be loved by,
Grateful to have a child who's never said no to this giant change.
Grateful for the children he too is raising,
Because I am, indeed, joyful -
and excited to look forward to all that lights the path
Can't ever know what force it was, that led us to reconnect
in this Circle Game...
But it is another Good Beginning,
for both of us,
so all together