Friday, March 11, 2016

Feeling Good.

I
am
getting
married.

Never guessed never dreamed those words
would come out of my mouth
again.

Still feels like a daydream, stuns my senses
despite how right it feels.
When I peek at rings it still feels like I need to explain
I'm a widow, but I'm getting married,
not sure if I deserve the ring, or if it's right,
because I have one,
I mean, had one, but but but...
But this is New Love
and a new start -
so that sweet stone, that my grandfather saved up for,
now sits in a drawer
waiting
for his great granddaughter's hand -
to use when she is graced with
Another's Love.

But I will always be a widow -
I will.
And I don't mind the label ~
Reminds me of where I've been
and has forever shaped the woman I am
today
and who I will continue to be.
And it's introduced me to a crowd,
yes crowd,
of powerhouse women - who have rejoined this world like
lions,
with fierce and proud and poignant memories of all that came
before.

And as I walk on, with Lily by my side,
we will forever be a deeply connected duo.
To think she's just turned seven...
She's come so far from that Friday dawn
when she entered this world
breathing life into mine.

She brought me back,
led the way.
Threw me over her shoulder and hauled me with
oblivious ease
through nights and mornings and feedings and swings,
walks and grass, bandaids and rain,
first days and lessons,
milestones and anniversaries, Father's Days and Mother's Days.

Remarkable what one little person can do,
just as her school song says.

This morning I savored how she held my hand
a little-kid-lapse in her crusade to grow up.
Signaled me with our Secret Squeeze,
reminding me of how we will always be
Us.

So together we're embracing our new(ish) family,
she loves her soon-to-be Steps,
she loves her second dad,
and I love them all and how they
so openly
allow us
into
their world.
It is as though, somehow, we've won the lottery,
despite the landmark crater in my heart,
and the wanting hole in hers...
As a friend reminded me just today,
we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful,
but gratefulness that makes us happy.

When I hear Lily laugh with them
it is the
sweetest
music
to my
ears.

We are grateful.
We are happy.
Sing.

1 comment:

  1. Such a lovely post - congratulations! Just wanted to thank you for popping into Widowed Village and leaving encouragement for our pregnant widow group. I am so grateful whenever members return to the Village to share a bit of wisdom gained along their path. May your new marriage bring you and Lily much happiness.

    ReplyDelete

Comments - Unpublished.