Moved.

Done.
We did it.
The long awaited, much anticipated transition from the only home Lily's known and the one where Alan and I spent our lives together finally happened.
Hard.
So very hard.
I am not sure other than the moment right after Alan passed away I've ever felt so alone.
Moving is hard enough. And when there's no partner to share it with it's even more of a challenge. Not to mention I was leaving Alan's home that he so proudly bought, not to mention there were anonymous people who have no care for one's personal possessions - handling my husbands things, my things, my daughters things.
It was an invasion.
A frenetic, overwhelming thrust out of one home into another.
And it's not that I wasn't excited to move.
I
was
ready.
We were ready.
But.
I just didn't know my sense of alone-ness could be any greater.
And yet, it was.
Set
my
own
record.

Knocked the wind out of me.

And all I could do was sprint through the day, chasing carts and clinging to memories left in their wake.

Release an empty apartment echoing with sobs at the end of a terminal day.

Life.

Shit.

Happiness.Pain.Love.Death.New life.
Cycles.
All cycles.
My very own marathon.

Our new apartment is the perfect stepping stone for wherever we'll head next.
Me and my girl.
Still close to where we once were, but looking forward to what lies ahead.
And it feels good.
As I write - I'm in my own room, and she in hers.

Like we both just got to college.

Strange.
Special.

So we're doing OK. Landed fine.
But the home stretch was trying on us both.
Moved us inside and out.
Lily's been an easy rider, some roughness around her edges, but she's taken on her new digs with admirable cool.
And I'm just on the other side of the wall, rediscovering and loving new found adult space and weening myself from my babe who's really a girl now.

A dear-friend-soul-sister shared a thought with me that illuminated exactly what I've been grappling with - we can be surrounded by family and friends who love us and who we love but it's still a singular journey.

Singular
Journey
It
Is.